Funny messages

Johnny was, by all accounts, the worst eight year old kid on earth. He stole, lied, beat-up his sister, just about any trouble this kid could get into, he did. Nonetheless, Johnny wanted a bicycle for Christmas.

Johnny goes to his mother and demands, "Mom, for Christmas, I want a bicycle!" To this his mother replies, "Yea, right, ... Santa's not comming to THIS house you little brat, you've stolen from all the neighbors, shoplifted, beat-up kids at school, you'll be lucky if you even get a lump of coal."

Enraged, Johnny storms up to his room. After about an hour, he decides he will appeal his case to God. So he grabs a tablet and starts to write his letter to God.

Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I will never steal again... "No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying." So he tears up this letter and starts again.

Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I'll wash Mom's dishes for all year... "No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying." So he tears up this letter and starts again.

Evenually, Johnny uses up the entire tablet and has only one sheet left but still no letter to God. Then it hits him. He runs out of the house and down to the church. In the church, he finds the Madona and snatches it, runs home, and hides it under the bed. Then he writes:

Dear God, If you ever want to see your mother again, have Santa Claus deliver a bicycle to my house on Christmas...
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Who said english is easy??
Fill in the blank with YES or No...
1.-----I don"t have brain...
2.-----I dont have sence...
3.-----I am stupid.... "
  

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I have a box of wood that weighs one pound. I put something in it, but now my box weighs half a pound. How come! What did I put in the box?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer:
A Hole 
  

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A father during a business conference talks to his son...
Father: that’s a great chance, I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : No!! I will choose my own bride
Father: But what if I tell you that girl is Bill Gates’s daughter !!
Son : Wowww! Well, in that case...for sure! ... 
.
Next, Father approaches Bill Gates who was at the same event ...
Father: that’s a great chance! I have a husband for your daughter ...
Bill Gates : No!! my daughter is too young to marry ... sorry!
Father: But what if I tell you this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank!
Bill Gates: Ah!! in that case... let me think about it 
.
Father goes to see the CEO and president of the World Bank who was also at that event.
Father: that’s a great chance! I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president under your supervision !!
President: No!! I already have more vice-presidents than I need.
Father: But what if I tell you that young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law !!
President: Really!! in that case .... maybe ....  
.
Like if you think the father is a smart business man 

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Life difficulties & problems
are like a huge empty cotton bag...
They look huge for those who only look at it...
but they look light for those who actually handle it 

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Mistakes in childhood can be erased; that is why you use pencil when you were child. however now you use pen b’coz you’ve learned from your past mistakes.
but
Unfortunatly some people never learn from their past mistakes therefore you can clearly see their life full of strikethrough, underlining, and balloons 

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You Made Me Cry
You Tore Me Apart
You Left Me In Tears
You Shattered My Heart
...It Wasn’t Your Fault
I Guess It Was Me
For Love Can’t Be Forced
Perhaps We Weren’t Meant To Be
It Still Doesn’t Help
Now That I Know
Because For Some Reason
My Heart Won’t Let Go
I’ve Tried More Than Once
To Get Over You
But You Make It So Hard
With Cute Things That You Do
I Thought Love Was Joy
But I’ve Got Nothing To Gain
Just Sorrow, Tears
And A Little More Pain
The Day The Pain Started
Reality Came True
It Was The Day That I Realized
I’ll Never Be With You..........

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I Made No Resolutions For The New Year.
The Habit of Making Plans,
Criticizing, Sanctioning
And Molding My Life
Is Too Much of
A Daily Event For Me
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FACTS :

 No matter how old you are,

if a little kid shoots you with

a toy gun, you pretend to die.

- All you need is love,
or a gun, a shovel & a place to
hide the body.

- it's very important in life
to learn 'shift+delete'.
Some people aren't worth
recycling, Trust me!

- we always fall in love with
the most unexpected person

- necessity is the mother of
invention, girlfriend is the mother
of necessities..

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15 years back

Parents wanted their girl
to get married to a good boy

Now-A-Days

Parents wants their boy
to get married to a good girl

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Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?

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‎1 Ladka Aur Ladki 1 Dusre ko Q Nhi Samajh Pate?
Q ki ALLAH ne Ladke ko Accha DIMAG diya H
Or
Ladki ko Accha DIL
Mgr Ladka DIL se Sochta H
... Or
Ladki DIMAG se..

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A woman in a Jewlery store, Farts while bending over to look at a Beautiful Diamond ring.

She looks round, embarrassed,& sees the salesman standing behind her.
Totally professional, he says, "Good day Madam, How may I help U?"
... ...
... ... Hoping that maybe he hadn't heard her ''accident'',

she asks, "Sir, whats the Price of this lovely Ring?"
He answers,
"Madam, if you Farted just Looking at it, U're going to Sh*t when I'll tell U the Price